the most darling ghosts

Sometimes I'll meet someone for the first time and they will see my 3 boys and say something like , "3 boys? I thought you had 4 for some reason." Its weird because if I just met them I haven' t told them about Alistair yet. They would have no way of knowing I do have another one, in heaven. Its like he makes his presence known in a subtle way, still.

On Saturday we went to a birthday party for a neighbor's little girl. There was a mama there with a 10 year old and 2 2year old twins. I asked her if she had other kids, she said no. I really felt like she had 2 other kids. When she first walked up to me I saw her as a mom to more kids, I pictured 5 kids, but I just brushed it off when she said she had 3. Then, later I was talking to my neighbor and she told me that the woman I had met at the party had lost a set of twins right before getting pregnant again with twins. I knew there were more kids, and I finally can see what others might see when they meet me.

I love things like this because it gives me hope that there is more than this life, that we don't just end when we die.

I'm facing a month of a husband working nights and it is really not something fun at all. The husband is either sleeping or rushing out the door and usually not in a good mood either. The housework starts slipping and I get very little done. I'm hoping I do a better job at it this month. I think of the women with husbands in Iraq and I feel so humbled.

Mad cowboy Creature
Saturday at a winery
New sofa on the deck

I love baby

From this teeny little muffin to this ---
my sweetie.

the red tent (in Creature's room)

Homebrew!

Priorities?
The fence was flattened by the wind, the carpet from 1984 needs to be replaced, 2/3rds of the house needs paint, but... the beer is made!

I promise, I did not drink that whole glass by myself :)

Abby

One amazing mama (and my oldest friend) with one amazing little girl. This baby girl makes me want to get all corny & mushy, I love her so much! Here she is hanging with her betrothed (ha ha), little Teeny.

And even after she left, Teeny was still so happy!

Virginia Tech

It seemed like half of my graduating class went to Tech. What happened there Monday was so horrifying there really are no words. I am not articulate enough to add anything, I just pray for all of the victims, families, students. As a former college student I can't even imagine having the wherewithall to barricade the door and duck bullets. As a mom, one day I hope to drop my children off at a university and believe they are safe there.

In reality, none of us are safe, anything can happen, anywhere. Life can be just that bad, a nightmare.

On the other hand, I do hold my boys close and remain as positive as possible. There are no guarantees of course, but we are here now & that's what its all about... now.

http://www.vt.edu/

We are sad today, and we will be sad for quite a while. We are not moving on. We are embracing our mourning. We are Virginia Tech ...
-- Nikki Giovanni, University Distinguished Professor, poet, activist

Babies wearing babies, I mean bears!

South Carolina

Finally we went and stayed with my cousin and he husband, parents to be!
A trip to the zoo, a picnic in the park , it was fun...

Parenting little kids, solved.

*Treat your child like you'd want to be treated

*Take care of them in a way that teaches them the world is a safe place.

*Know what is developmentally normal so you can focus on the phrase "age-appropriate behaviour" to help you keep your sanity.

-sleep early & often & try to keep the play dates at cocktail hour where its easier on everyone.

Home

What dogs we are, deep thoughts by a 7 year old

My 7 year old is a Border Collie, smart & a kind of sleeper breed, one that surprised everyone with its intelligence. My son is so busy thinking and doing, he can appear spacy-but there's a lot going on in there.
The Creature is a Jack Russell. Like all terriers he has a huge presence and absolutely no clue that he is little. Tenacious and obnoxious at times.
The Baby is an adorable baby bulldog, squishy, chubby, but built big & solid. Very mellow.

My darling spouse is a Presa Canario, as seen on a breeder's page: noble and kind with family, distrustful of strangers. Nice, but fierce.
I'm a Bernese Mountain Dog and here's the breed temperament: "is self-confident, alert and good-natured, never sharp or shy. The Bernese Mountain Dog should stand steady, though may remain aloof to the attentions of strangers. " I wish, but the main thing is they have a long torso & short legs, like me, ha ha.

Grateful

The very first glimpse of little Joaquin as he was born, via belly. I forgot to put this picture up back in August and now I'm celebrating that this little guy is 6 months already. What's a nice surgery photo among friends?

Its weird how little it bothers me that I have to have major surgery for birth. I came from the natural childbirth world where a c section is simply a failure to so many women. Honestly, when I lost my son and almost lost my own life from the trauma, it was when I truly became a real grown up. I was kind of spoiled and bossy before that. Having the opportunity to have more children is a huge gift I'll never take for granted. I'll take them no matter how they get out.

I believed in all the natural birth stuff so much, I still do, just not for me.

What a weekend! Creature had to bring home a bear from school and I had to write all of the things the bear did down in a notebook that was already filled with the other kids adventures. The other kids did great stuff like go out to eat, go to museums, and have dinner parties. Our weekend with the bear, Honey, was kind of rough. Creature didn't really care too much about him at first. No cocktail hour on Friday, too strenuous with husband working nights, so the other preschool mamas won't know about our social life, oh well...Then, Saturday night I caught the freaking rotavirus from visiting my Granny the week before. Teeny and I spent the night on the bathroom floor together so I could feed him between my visits to hell. Luckily, it was at my parents house, so the 2 older boys were well taken care of.

Things are looking up. Teeny is mobile now and only the adults got sick this time. Slowly we are feeling better.

Present

One of the best ways to be happy staying at home is to live in the present. As much as I appreciate this opportunity to be with my kids, it is scary for me to think about how behind I am in terms of working again one day. I haven't made any effort to keep up with my field at all, in fact I want a whole new whole career. But most of the time, I really don't care, I stay in the present moment, I enjoy what I can and struggle through the hard parts, trying not to lose my mind. Today had been horrible, one tantrum after another from the Creature, nothing going my way. Now he's in preschool,(on his first field trip even!) and Teeny is asleep and I have a few minutes to myself. The whole day is not ruined, this moment is fine and I have no complaints.

I will chill out on the babywearing pics, I swear. But in the meantime...I got an Ergo today!! Teeny is asleep in it with the sleeping hood up, it really is all that its rumored to be. So c0mfy for me & baby.

And for fun, Creature got to ride around in the mei tai.

Icy/Snowy days, home from school. It started out fun, it got ugly. Dirt was liberated from plants in the living room so the Creature's tiny green toy iguana could have a "dirt house". To finally get out we braved the ice to eat Thai food and not one but 2 glasses of water and the flower vase were spilled. I try to stay ahead of the boyz with my domesticated cleaning self, but its so pointless. How can I be upset when the Creature gives me his best cheesy smile during breakfast & my Schoolboy is so sweet to little Teeny.

Not cute...http://www.people.com/people/gallery/0,,20011773,00.html