Celebrating International Babywearing Week!

I remember how excited I was when the Sacajawea dollar came out in 2000. I was a brand new mother who was so enamored with her little guy and so excited to do everything "naturally." Babywearing was one of the things I jumped into wholeheartedly. I wore Jakob everywhere, I had only a Maya wrap ring sling, but he was always there if we were out, and most of the time at home too. Then, here comes the new Sacajawea dollar coin celebrating a strong babywearing mama who trekked across the entire country, with only breasts and a papoose for her baby boy. I was inspired!

Since then, babywearing has become even more important to me. I can remember arguing with my mom and husband about bringing the "bucket" into a restaurant. "Just let him sleep, don't move him." (I was always trying to get him in that sling, even if it was all twisted up & crazy looking :) When my bucket car seat got too old we replaced it with a convertible car seat that doesn't leave the car, so the sling is where baby goes, even if he's asleep & baby gets used to going right back to sleep as I walk. I am freaky about it, I will sling my little Ramsay from the car to the house these days just so I can carry everything in.

What really made me a fanatic about keeping babies close was something I noticed when I sat and held my second son in the hospital every day for 7 weeks. He was in a coma after his birth and he never did wake up, and died 7 weeks later. Every day of his short life I sat and held him for hours. When I would wash up at the NICU door I could see the monitor that gave me a quick update on his health that day. Oxygen sats, heartrate, etc. Sometimes his oxygen saturation would be below 90% as I sat down next to him. As soon as I picked him up it would go to 100% and stay there until I had to go home. It was a small miracle that I got to see each time I held him. The second night of his life his doctor prepared us to let him go, but we held him the entire night and he rebounded. He was super sick that night, but for whatever reason, he stayed for awhile and I'm so glad he did. If a baby that everyone said wasn't aware of anything was able to love being held, then imagine how it would benefit any baby to be held.

Because of that experience with Alistair I never miss a chance to cuddle one of my babies. When I'm rushing to get someplace, I put on the sling, drop the baby in and go...and I'm instantly calmer...just because baby is close. I love being able to dart in out of the preschool hallways or see what I want in crowded museums. I love shopping and stopping to get sweet smiles from my littlest. I love hearing my older boys tell me, "put the baby on, mom!" I love that there is a week celebrating babywearing, it is such a great thing to get the word out about. Although I am a volunteer LC, I do think keeping a baby close may be more important even than what they eat. I can think of many babies that weren't able to get breastmilk, but were held, a lot, or kept close at night, and they are so connected and so secure. One day when I am no longer blessed to have a little baby, babywearing will probably be what I miss most.

Koi madness

It was a perfect outing, everyone happy & great weather, until JX fell in the koi pond! Luckily it was shallow and mom was right there, but definitely not my finest hour.

My guy is 3!

We took JX on a birthday tour of the city in a DC Ducks mobile. We all loved it, first you see all the important stuff in the city, White House, Capitol, etc & then you get in the Potomac river and see the city much more peacefully & quietly. It was amazing, and I have always been the anti-tourist. Then we had a party, which was perfect because we invited exactly 3 3 year olds. I can't believe my Joaquin is already 3.

The article I wish I had written

Wow! I was writing this article in my head about how crazy those African HIV/circumcision studies are & then voila! Someone else wrote it for me & did an awesome job to boot:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/ali-a-rizvi/male-circumcision-and-the_b_249728.html

At the lake this year, rainy day pictures taken by my cousin Gale:

A blogger who also lost a baby boy to the same thing I lost mine to, wrote something about how he flinches and feels horrible every time he thinks of his son's birth and feels amazed that he has survived every day since. I feel the same way. There is pride in surviving all kinds of things: cancer, poverty...but there is no pride in surviving your own child. The only pride I have (and maybe pride is not the right word) is that my marriage survived the loss of our son.

It is wild for me to think I've had 5 kids. I definitely look like I've had 5 kids these days, it is very tiring & as I get older the weight doesn't come off from just breastfeeding. I am not one to feel sorry for myself, I have four very healthy boys, one of whom is just a wee bit crazier than the others, yet, I do miss my second son and I have many layers of loss involved with his death. I am not articulate about grief anymore, like I once was, I'm not in the rawest place. Sometimes I oddly miss that first year of pain though because I felt closest to my little guy then. Every day for the first year I could remember exactly how holding him felt, now I have him mixed up with the other babies.

Tonight I went to a friend's house with older kids. She kept pointing out all of the great things I could do to my house in the future when my kids are the age of hers. She seemed very worried my boys would get out of control in her house. Things improved after we had some beer. :)
I really am not in a rush to have the perfect house or the quiet of older kids who are into their own stuff. I am overjoyed to have a tiny baby, a toddler/almost preschooler, and 2 bigger boys. I breathe in the baby constantly, I just soak in his sweetness. He smiles at me no matter what, its no wonder I hold him constantly. I know what its like to have them grow and want less to do with you and I know what its like when your child is not here, at all.

Ramsay's baptism

Ramsay was baptised on Saturday and it was a wonderful and comical and stressful day. We were late for our own kids baptism which was embarrassing. My mom came to the car to help with the kids as I pulled up alone with 3 of them (dear husband was 20 minutes behind me!) My mom really let me have it! I had to do the walk of shame into the church where the other 4 families were already assembled with their crews, about 30 deep each. Although we were the last ones there, we had the first baptism.

They bless every kid in the church & then take each kid one by one with assembled crews, to the font in the vestibule and christen the baby. Then its back inside for candles and chrism. I love bringing Ramsay into our faith this way.

I love his Godparents so much that I miss them right now. We picked dh's oldest female friend, almost cousin, & her husband and its the first time we had an actual couple be Godparents. I can't express how seriously they took this and how much they helped with the whole day, planning & decorating for the party & cooking almost all of the food. They brought tons of Chilean wine (she is Chilean also) and she made a watermelon basket filled with fruit. The night before the party they came over with their teenage son and decorated every room, put balloons outside covering each corner of our fence & just helped me clean and do final shaping up before the big day. And they live an hour away! The party was smooth & perfect thanks to them, except for the AC breaking, which was pretty miserable, but one thing should always go wrong, too perfect is scary!

So, a beautiful day. It has been a bit of a letdown the past 2 days, but good times are ahead next week at the lake, God willing. I am just busy these days, soaking in the moments with my precious little baby and keeping bigger boys happy & occupied.

For the 3rd year in a row we went to the fair! I really wanted to go b/c Naughty by Nature (among other "old skool all stars") was going to be playing & they are a lot of fun & I always had a crush on Treach. So we went, with all the kids, my brother & Ramsay's godparents. It was easier than I imagined b/c little guy slept the whole time, only waking up to eat at the end. Naughty by NAture was awesome, but the kids hated it. I always say there's no such thing as too much bass, but I think I heard too much bass, it was really thumping! My friend Jen said it sounded like the space shuttle being launched!
The big boy holding Joaquin in the pics is the teenage son of Ramsay's godparents, my boys love him. Joaquin is the only one who would go on rides, my other boys wouldn't ride a thing, they just wanted to eat fair food & people watch :)