mama!

My deck in the Shire, just pretty & then cleaned up & prettier

Another rock star!

Its been awhile since I posted a photo of one of my favorite men with serious star quality, but I just heard a Ziggy song on XM & remembered how much love I had for him in high school. I got made fun of by the Husker Du & Camper Van fans who thought liking Ziggy was just weak. But he has some gifts from his dad & then he has a powerful voice & a spiritual strength all his own. Love you Ziggy!

Grateful one day early this time...

Getting bigger every day it seems like. I honestly have no complaints right now, the 3rd trimester is usually good to me. No heartburn, swelling, headaches, high blood pressure, roid rage, ha ha . None of it. I just hate bending over a lot & I have one very active little boy in here. I`m also one big mama. I am grateful to still be here, growing & glowing. I have the joy of another surgical delivery to look forward to, but I don`t think there`s any other way and I`m Ok with that.

I`m grateful that my 2 friends who both had their water break at 33 weeks are both doing so well. One is still on hospital bedrest and holding tight to grow a bigger stronger baby girl. The other one had her baby girl after 5 days on hospital bedrest & as she has been through a lot in the past I`m just so glad she`s safely here. Thank God!

a boy having a great time with his cousins on a rainy Saturday in June.

"Breastfeed or Else" article in NYT

The NYT had a great article about breastfeeding and how to have a public health campaign to encourage more moms to nurse longer. On Bloggingbaby.com, I stole this comment and I`ll give credit to Amanda for writing it. She`s a mom who both bottle & breastfed & I think this is so well said:

"Many moms, on the other hand, do not make informed decisions and are unaware that formula carries risks. Everyone things that breast is best or breast milk has benefits but that's all hogwash. Breastmilk does not carry benefits. It is the biological norm. It does what it is supposed to do. Any deviation from that carries risks. Now the extent to how great those risks are is debatable even among the medical community and each family has to do their own risk/benefit analysis when deciding whether or not to breastfeed because it IS a choice. No amount of lactivism will take the choice out of it."

My face is pregnant too!
And one cute little creature.

Grateful Wednesday on Thursday again.

I am just happy to be right here, right now, and healthy. I am grateful to be alive and thankful that I have instincts to tell me when things are wrong.

Grateful Wednesday

1. I`m grateful that both my mom & brother got new jobs that they both wanted very much. I am very grateful that my brother will be moving closer so we will get to see him more often, Cool Uncle Mike.

2. I`m grateful to my husband for being there for me as I came home stressed from my doctor`s appointment. She doesn`t have any faith (in me, in things going well) and he pointed that out and now I need a new doctor.

3. I`m grateful to read this on another blog & it really sums up how I feel right now about being a stay at home mama, its hard, working is hard & being at home is hard, its just hard either way.: "Now I stay home and am experiencing the wrath of the full time toddler. It is a bittersweet roller coaster of preciousness and exhaustion. I love it and sometimes fear it. I get to see my children when they get home from school. We spend the afternoons together and I never have to wince when I hear my cell phone ring, for fear an irate client is calling."

Now this is a good man, he and Gwen Stefani just had a baby, should he be bringing home diapers or food for mama? No, a case of champagne is what he carries out of the store. Note to my husband; in a few months you can do this too!

Kindergarten Circus

What an awesome Strong Man

mini Vacay

A beautiful cool day in Ft. Ward park in Alexandria with the boys favorite picnic friend, Lucy.

Grateful Thursday

since I missed Wednesday, here we are:

I am grateful for another jampacked La Leche meeting and the fulfillment of helping new mamas in the beginning of their mothering.

I am grateful to the mamas that are brave enough to come to the meetings in the first place, they teach me so much about being open to change, being willing to learn and unafraid to face new situations. I wasn`t that brave in the beginning of mamahood.

Grateful to God for keeping this little boy healthy in here.

Happy Mother`s Day

Happy Mother`s Day to all the mamas!

Green Springy

What a beautiful Friday morning in May. Only one silent tantrum from Karl!

Green Spring Gardens, just Creature & mama

2 great plants, a mammoth elephant ear & a weird blue green fingernail looking thing from South America.

Grateful Wednesday already!

Let`s see, I`m grateful for this beautiful time of year and the friendly neighbors and good friends I get to be with outside in the wide world.

I`m grateful to have my parents and I appreciate being near them every day.

That`s all I can do for now so I don`t get too corny.

Alistair`s birthday

This is what we do on our son`s birthday. Only other bereaved parents really like to see what other grieving families do, but since I have a place in the computer to put whatever I want, I`ll remember my son here today, on the day he was born 4 years ago.

Alistair, we miss you.

Today would be/is my second son`s 4th birthday. Today it just made me mad having to go to the cemetery instead of having a group of 4 year olds here to trash the house and eat cake. It gets easier in that you don`t cry every day, but you always notice someone missing.

Another blog for a newly bereaved mom of a baby boy had this quote on it. A lady named Tabor said this: (hope she doesn`t mind)
"This is a big cruel mountain to climb, but I think it will strengthen you more and the view at the top will be much better than the view that we have...those of us who muddle through each day with far less understanding."
It is a different world that bereaved parents live in, but in some ways its wonderful because we can cut through the crap easier, we know what`s important, and good times feel great, because we know how the worst thing feels.

2 views of a Columbine, since their short lived glory days are right now & one view of a mama who is very grateful to her husband for making these days of exploring with little boyz possible.

Last Wednesday, a great day for a picnic at Huntley Meadows park, a snapping turtle & a babe in the woods.

Afternoon at the garden store.

breathing a sigh of relief on this Wednesday to be making it through another tough week of scary doctors appointments.

grateful that this little boy is strong like all of his brothers.

"A human being is a single being. Unique and unrepeatable."

- Pope John Paul II

My shire-like neighborhood (next to the house) and my new plant!

The boyz on Easter Sunday, after getting up at 6 to see their Easter baskets. Here they are at their grandparent`s house.

Thank God

Finally, for the first time in this pregnancy, I feel a little relaxed about things, as much as a mom like me can. I had my big 20 week ultrasound today & my placenta that was a complete previa, has moved! This little one is definitely a boy and looks very healthy on u/s. What a blessing, I can`t believe how it all gets built so well in there.

Delicious cocktail hour treats at the beach.

Grateful Wednesday

Today I am grateful to be feeling good and its beautiful outside.

I am grateful for the sweetness of my toddler right now, his hugs and kisses are the best. Pulling him in a wagon at the garden store was excellent.

I am grateful for a LLL meeting last night that flowed smoothly after a challenging start and many new mamas enjoying the heck out of their babies.

Being right on the beach was the best! It was the best sleep I`ve had in years.

the view from our bedroom at the beach in Emerald Isle!

So, I was having a very hard day with big worries about Chunky # 4 and yet nothing has happened yet, its just doctors throwing probabilities and stats at me.

I go pick up my contax and they were playing Don Henley in the waiting room. I felt instantly relaxed as I pictured myself not pregnant one day, with kids entertaining themselves at the beach as I stand with a drink in my hand watching the sunset and hearing the Eagles. AHH, instant relaxation. As I left the office I thought wouldn`t it be nice if I could turn on the radio & keep hearing the Eagles. And it happened exactly like that! So it goes to show, you never know. I`m simple, I`ll take any little sign, so that little sign makes me feel a little better. Tomorrow we head for the beach!

Oh, I have not been motivated at all to be here writing about anything. I am not sick anymore, but the dear husband had surgery and had his shoulder rebuilt so it has been a mellow nursing environ. I am busy growing my 4th BOY, so exciting to be a boy mama. Too much stress though, I like the non pregnant part of life a lot, going to wineries, kayaking & trekking with the heft of a toddler on my back. one day I`ll do that again, now I have to stay positive and grow grow grow!

Big Mama & her big boyz