Ahhh, a few minutes to myself as the 3 boyz sleep. I cut the heck out of my hair yesterday and I`m not sure about it. Here I am with my same old long stringy style I`ve had since high school. Tomorrow I`ll post a photo of my fierce new shorter do, except it looks nerdy to me. I don`t feel good unless my hair is long, and then it always looks too long & messy.

So,I`m using my time wisely, first I cleaned the kitchen & got the schoolboy`s gear in order. Then I sat down at the computer with a glass of wine and ordered cloth diaper stuff. Then I read almost the entire blog of a woman who lost a baby to a cord accident. The baby was a beautiful girl and I feel so much for her mother right now.
I can read that utterly painful blog and see where I`ve been, in the darkest part of grief, and then I see where I am now, in a wholly different place. Its very weird to think I could ever feel almost normal again. The loss is still permanent and I still sometimes think Alistair is here and then I remember he`s not. Although I`m changed, I can have fun and stay in the moment. Alistair really taught me a lot about staying in the present moment. What`s really weird is that Joaquin looks exactly like Alistair when he`s asleep. They have almost the same face, but I`m glad about it.