the most darling ghosts

Sometimes I'll meet someone for the first time and they will see my 3 boys and say something like , "3 boys? I thought you had 4 for some reason." Its weird because if I just met them I haven' t told them about Alistair yet. They would have no way of knowing I do have another one, in heaven. Its like he makes his presence known in a subtle way, still.

On Saturday we went to a birthday party for a neighbor's little girl. There was a mama there with a 10 year old and 2 2year old twins. I asked her if she had other kids, she said no. I really felt like she had 2 other kids. When she first walked up to me I saw her as a mom to more kids, I pictured 5 kids, but I just brushed it off when she said she had 3. Then, later I was talking to my neighbor and she told me that the woman I had met at the party had lost a set of twins right before getting pregnant again with twins. I knew there were more kids, and I finally can see what others might see when they meet me.

I love things like this because it gives me hope that there is more than this life, that we don't just end when we die.

I'm facing a month of a husband working nights and it is really not something fun at all. The husband is either sleeping or rushing out the door and usually not in a good mood either. The housework starts slipping and I get very little done. I'm hoping I do a better job at it this month. I think of the women with husbands in Iraq and I feel so humbled.

Mad cowboy Creature
Saturday at a winery
New sofa on the deck

I love baby

From this teeny little muffin to this ---
my sweetie.

the red tent (in Creature's room)

Homebrew!

Priorities?
The fence was flattened by the wind, the carpet from 1984 needs to be replaced, 2/3rds of the house needs paint, but... the beer is made!

I promise, I did not drink that whole glass by myself :)

Abby

One amazing mama (and my oldest friend) with one amazing little girl. This baby girl makes me want to get all corny & mushy, I love her so much! Here she is hanging with her betrothed (ha ha), little Teeny.

And even after she left, Teeny was still so happy!

Virginia Tech

It seemed like half of my graduating class went to Tech. What happened there Monday was so horrifying there really are no words. I am not articulate enough to add anything, I just pray for all of the victims, families, students. As a former college student I can't even imagine having the wherewithall to barricade the door and duck bullets. As a mom, one day I hope to drop my children off at a university and believe they are safe there.

In reality, none of us are safe, anything can happen, anywhere. Life can be just that bad, a nightmare.

On the other hand, I do hold my boys close and remain as positive as possible. There are no guarantees of course, but we are here now & that's what its all about... now.

http://www.vt.edu/

We are sad today, and we will be sad for quite a while. We are not moving on. We are embracing our mourning. We are Virginia Tech ...
-- Nikki Giovanni, University Distinguished Professor, poet, activist

Babies wearing babies, I mean bears!