Snuggly

sad

When I lost my son to shoulder dystocia back in 2002, I thought I had it the worst of any person the planet. The pain was unbearable and I had doctors and nurses blaming me. Every day was such a tremendous struggle. My dad reminded me it could be much worse, I could have no husband or be a teenager with no support and a dead baby. Now, I know of 3 more women who are suffering the same nightmare & for them it is so much worse. One blames the doctor and is dealing with a major complication of her own health related to the birth. One has a mean husband who is blaming her for the birth. One is very young and has no idea of what happened to her and thinks it might not happen again.

I am very lucky to have a husband who knew it was a complication that wasn`t caused by me or anyone. I had a very skilled practioner who I do not blame at all, she knew exactly what to do and what order to do it in. I have a family who believes in me and knows loss too (my sister died when she was the same age as my son.) It could be so much worse, but I really miss my little boy at Christmas and it really never gets all that much easier.

Since Teeny was born I`ve lost 43 pounds. Too bad I gained more than 60, I don`t know how much but I stopped looking after 60 lbs. If only I did pregnancy in a smaller way I`d be looking pretty svelte right now.

Teeny asleep and a happy Christmas creature. We had the classic Latino Christmas Eve celebration with husband`s fam and then up early to see what Santa left & then over to my parents` for the classic Gringo Christmas day family freak out. It was awesome.

You know, I`d love to write more and be really witty and fun, but my brainpower is really lacking. I think there`s an intense postpartum period for like 6 months where its all about survival, baby and mama. My brain and deep thoughts are gone for awhile as I make milk and chase the boys around. Its not PPD, in fact I feel blissful everytime I look at the baby, its just that I do what I can and I don`t do a lot extra. I go to bed tired every night, the good tired I had when I was a mover in college.

Merry Christmas

It was so hectic, so fun. I wish we
could do it all over again.

"I'm still nursing," she says, "and I think it gives you superhuman powers."

Quote of the day by cool mama Gwen Stefani.

sick

We`ve all been sick and lucky me, I was the sickest. This is how I`ve spent most of my time in bed, cuddling with my little cuddle bunny. It could definitely be worse, (but let`s not try for that, Ok God?:)
There is so much Christmasy stuff to do and parties to go too, Yay!! Now, I`m trying to be well and get it all done.

We`re not spending any $ this week, so I`ve been cleaning, sometimes with Teeny strapped on. Here`s baby & mama, here`s a happy Creature in the living room & a cleaned up basement. I`m scared to have a cocktail hour because my basement is always the first casualty & then the boys rooms get trashed.

I`m also struggling this week with the decision of how to educate my oldest. Should he be homeschooled or do I continue to keep him in his public school up the street? Do I try private school or maybe the school my mom teaches at? It is such a tough one, he is starting to hate school , the one size fits all teaching style is not interesting him at all & yet he loves to learn.