Elizabeth Foss wrote an amazing piece about the TIME cover & resulting internet drama it caused. This is just one part of her post :

"I wish that women of the digital age could have learned this parenting style the way I did. 

It first took written form in an old La Leche League publication of The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding that my roommate in the hospital loaned to me when I could not console a screaming newborn Michael, nearly 24 years ago. She was an experienced mom. She stayed up all night, her own newborn at her breast, mentoring me, voice-to-voice, shoulder-to-shoulder. She was Catholic, open to life. It was all grace.  I still look back with astonishment at the provision of it all. I have no pictures of our time. No journal of words. I don't even remember her name, but her legacy lives forever in my family.

That was an old version of the book, written in the voice of the women who founded La Leche League. It read like wisdom from moms at a church picnic. Did you know that La Leche League was founded on the grounds of a Catholic Church at a parish picnic?

Ten years later, I met Mary White, one of the founding mothers. That formerly crying baby was the altar server at a very poorly attended Mass at a La Leche League conference. It was just Mary, her husband, and my family. After Mass, she spent a leisurely time talking to me about big families and raising children in the church, all while my fourth child, Mary Beth, nursed in a sling. Tears still spring to my eyes when I think of the meaning that encounter held for me. She autographed for me a new edition of the book. I treasure the the inscription, but the book remains on my shelf, largely untouched. I still reach for my tattered, older version, the one written before "attachment parenting" was a cause. The one in the voice of wise Catholic mothers.

Mary White told me after Mass how mothering is a beautiful way to live the works of mercy every day, how mothers are especially blessed to extend the mercy of God to others. It was never about being "mom enough," but about being humble enough. Attachment parenting--and so, extended breastfeeding--is about the least of these. 

And the king will say to them in reply, ‘Amen, I say to you, whatever you did for one of these least brothers of mine, you did for me.’

All day, every day, serving the little ones with the mercy of Jesus. That's attachment parenting at its essence.

Attachment parenting grows up. And that doesn't mean nursing while standing on a stool. It means that mother and child grow together. It means that when it's not so simple anymore and all their needs can't be met by stopping to nurse, we still listen. And listen. And listen. We watch over three hundred dances because somewhere in there, our teenager is in three of them and she cares about the other 297.

If we are at our best, we do it with our full attention.

The face of attachment parenting? It doesn't reflect a computer screen. We can't let ourselves care more about the cause than about the children who compelled us to learn about the cause in the first place. We can't let ourselves be lured to spend our days chasing philosophies online, no matter how noble those philosophies are. We can't endlessly chase decorating ideas or knitting patterns or news feeds, either. 

I learned attachment parenting in a different age. And I'm very glad of that. I never cultivated a habit of nursing while scrolling my cell phone. I never took a laptop into a child's room at night to keep me company while I kept him company. There were no smart phones or laptops. I was blessed to learn a lifestyle before the distraction of technology and then to live long enough in that stage of life that I could take the early lessons and keep practicing those habits when technology started fighting them. 

It's astonishing how techonology fights them. Truly, if we let it, techonology can destroy parenting as God intended it. A tool for the good can be used for ill to the detriment of generations.

I feel sorry for the young mothers (perkiness aside). It must be so much harder to discern the wisdom of the church picnic from the hip, happening, cool of the attachment parenting "movement." It's not sexy. It's not hip. It's hard work and humble servitude. It likely will make you soft and saggy.

The key to being truly attached, even as they grow, is spending days looking into the eyes of a child, truly knowing our own children intimately and well and helping them to become the person God created them to be.

Attachment parenting requires incredible sacrifice on the part of fathers, when the chldren are infants and when they are older. When they are infants, fathers wait for wives who are nursing mothers. They wait, too, for the time when a child will want them as much or more than they want Mama. I see that so clearly now that I have lots of older children. My kids almost line up to wait for Mike to listen to them at night. I've been with them all day. I'm all childrened out. And all I want is his undivided, quiet attention. But there they are, one by one, asking for him. I can't help but think of all the nights he waited while I nursed them to sleep.

Attachment parenting is thoughtful, careful that we are attached, while still not fostering an entitlement attitude. Just because you can nurse on demand as a baby, doesn't mean you can demand anything you want and expect to get it forever. Actually, the contrary is true. When you are nursed on demand as a baby, you grow up with the sense that sometimes adults are called to sacrifice themselves--their wants, their immediate needs, even their bodies--for the least of these. Good attachment parenting means that we teach our children this same ideal of laying down one's life.

This is where my challenges in social media keep popping up. It's a repeated decision to set aside the pressing online conversation, relinquish the opportunity to join the opinionfest. Attachment parenting is about keeping my eyes steadfastly fixed on my own work--the most important work I'll ever be called to do.  Social media is most definitely about keeping my eyes on everyone else's work. It's fairly benign for me in very small doses, lethal in anything bigger.

I have thoughtful ideas on childhood. I've worked hard to live those principles. I see social media as the most insidious threat to living a life of grace-filled, purposeful moments of joy with my children. This is How to Miss a Childhood and this is The Best Part of a Child's Education. I mean to live those messages and I have to close the computer to do so.

Mother Teresa, upon winning the Nobel Peace Prize, was asked "What can we do to promote world peace?" She answered "Go home and love your family."

What can I do to promote attachment parenting? Go home and love my family. With my full attention. When I do, I will bear authentic witness and change the world.

I don't always have a good grip on my sanity..but when I do, it's because I did these things..:)

Eat breakfast!
Huge cup of half caf
Take little breaks all day, like sit down with a little piece of chocolate at the computer
Know what I need to do, to change my mood, play some electronic dance music :)
I don't need a night out with the girls to flirt & act crazy, I can make friends & joke around anywhere, even the grocery store.
Eat a fantastic & healthy lunch
Walk each morning
Wine with my man at night

Alistair would be TEN years old tomorrow if he were still with us. It sucks, I've said it before, it never gets easier. There is still tons of joy and great fun to be had with my other kids, and I consider myself a happy person..but he is always our kid too. And it's awful not knowing him. I read a great article just now by Laura Schubert and she says some very true things about infant loss.. "Infant loss is nature's cruelest practical joke. It's investing all of the required time and effort into pregnancy, only to be robbed of the result. It's cradling a body that grew within your own and trying to reconcile the cold, lifeless form in your arms with your memory of the baby who turned double flips in your womb. It's worrying that you'll forget what your child looked like and snapping an album's worth of photos that no one will ever ask to see. It's sobbing so hard you can't breathe and wondering if it's possible to cry yourself to death." And this.. "It's being shut out of play groups for perpetuity. It's skipping social events with expectant and newly minted mothers because, as a walking worst-case scenario, you don't want to put a damper on the party. It's listening to other women gripe about motherhood and realizing that you no longer relate to their petty parental complaints because, frankly, when you've buried a baby, a sleepless night with a vomiting toddler sounds something like a gift. Infant loss is pruning from your life the friends and relatives who ignore or minimize your loss. It's recognizing that, while they may not mean to be hurtful, the fact that they don't know any better doesn't make their utter lack of empathy one whit easier to bear. Infant loss is more than an empty cradle. It's a life sentence." http://www.jsonline.com/news/opinion/the-heartache-of-infant-loss-131289299.html

Joaquin just started Tball for the local little league this weekend. He loves having a team, something to do on Saturday morning, a cool uniform and a glove!

Gorgeous spring day at the national arboretum. I am so happy none of my kids fell in the koi pond this time! It was a good day!

2 happy boys coming home from a neighborhood birthday party :) It rained, Tball practice was cancelled, we got coffee..Joaquin & I , picked up Karl from the party & they wanted to walk in the rain. Last night we had some friends over for happy hour and my husband was an awesome host as always, blending drinks, being chatty, hahahaha, I am so grateful to have him!

The springy sights of the festive neighborhood gas station.

Almost every day lately two of the sweetest girls in the world call me on their mom's cell after school and ask if the babies are awake. If they are..these sweeties show up and take them out to play. Bubble gets practice walking, Ram gets lots of hugs and attention as he goes down the slide. Both babies get to swing as long as they like. The people here keep me loving where I live.

Its the little things to look forward to!

3 boys who listened to their mom when she said to close their eyes so they could be surprised by how much shrinky dinks really shrink!

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I have no energy to blog because I am in permanent action mode with 5 busy boys & I'm just not in a reflective mode. But....I remember blogging years ago and it made life a little better. I don't know if blogging made me notice more beauty and have more fun, or if I did more because I wanted to record it here..either way, I am going to try to share more here again. I will never be a pioneer woman or a nie nie or enjoy the small things, although I enjoy checking in with all of them :)I don't have fancy cameras or exotic locations, or lots of $$. Just here, still married to an awesome man, raising 5 male adults (def don't want them to grow up & still be children, LOL)

When I started blogging 7 years ago I had 2 kids, one in heaven. My boys were different and very fun to be with, days were busy, but plenty of time to play with them, look at flowers, bake cookies. Now, there are 5, ranging from 1 year old to 12 years old. The oldest is now a type 1 diabetic, so meals can take a little more thought, but otherwise in a day to day way..its not as bad as it sounds. The next one down has had a lot of trouble learning to read. The youngest just had a CT scan under general to rule out a few scary issues. All are doing well at this very moment. In the last week I've been talked down to & patronized, had hellish school meetings, brutal mornings and nights that were way too short. I am going to just act like that didn't happen, here, in this little space..and put some of the good stuff & focus on getting into more good stuff so I can put it HERE. I hope it works out! :)

On Children
Kahlil Gibran

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

"Trust Birth". Here's how I feel about that BS: Would we tell someone who has miscarriages that she should "trust pregnancy?" Stuff happens in birth, sometimes bad outcomes that are noone's fault. It just is unrealistic to "trust birth." Educate yourself about birth, make the best choices you can & make sure you are repected in birth. A doula can help tremendously & so can a very intense NCB class, but trusting birth leads to lots of women feeling like crap when their plans go awry.

Everybody calls the baby Bubble now, Ramsay named him that.
Bubble's fat tummy is the joy of my life. He is such a chubs & so cuddly.
All of my boys loving the same music & dancing around my kitchen is what I love.
So much fun to be with them in the mornings.
I love waking up to sweet fat cheeks in the morning!
As I deal with a tight budget at Christmas, its OK, the real riches are here at home.

Right at this moment I am blessed beyond belief. I have a mother's helper who is holding my baby on the playground & watching my toddler as I steal a minute away from laundry to write this!! I have been taking walks every morning after dropping the Middles off at the bus stop and have 30 lbs left to lose, hahaha. Its all complicated and its all easy, we have love, a roof & most of the time, the gift of patience.

Sep 11. 10 years later

I heard the plane screaming down Columbia Pike, going towards the Pentagon. I sat right up in bed, " was that a fighter jet? It was SO LOUD!" Then we heard it crash.
I was reminded of the scene in La Bamba when the plane crashed on the playground, except we didn't see it, but we just knew we had heard a plane crash, a big plane. It was the loudest thing I have ever heard & then silence.

Larry & I looked at each other & said nothing for a minute. I was nursing 18 month old Jakob and pregnant with his brother Alistair. We had been enjoying a rare moment of the three of us sleeping in and lazing around in bed. We had one of those old fashioned answering machines where you could hear people leaving messages. My friend Tamela called & said " The World Trade Center was hit by 2 planes!!" Call me!!" My Dad called next, "There is some kind of terrorist attack, are you guys OK? The Pentagon just got hit!!"

Larry didn't have to work until 3 that day so we were trying to sleep in, plus I still had bad morning sickness. We stumbled out of bed to have all of it sink in at once, all 3 buildings hit & a plane still in the air! Where was that plane? Was it headed to DC? Would it be shot down now, over us? We were only a mile from the Pentagon.


I couldn't get my head around all of the death. People got up and went to work on a beautiful day and died in their offices with no warning. Some people jumped and none of us who saw the jumpers will ever be able to shake that image of the ultimate act of desperation. Unbelievable. I just don't have words for the horror of that day.


I went outside with my Jakob. We saw the smoke at the end of the street. All of my neighbors were outside of their apartments and everyone was talking & nervous. We actually didn't know what to say to each other, we were just shocked. Everything looked different.


I went back inside and took a shower and looked out the window at the most beautiful blue sky, my mom & I still think of it as sept 11 blue when we see super blue skies. I saw fighter jets flying by & I still had no idea where the 4th plane was, I was so scared. I wondered what kind of world my son would be living in now? What would be different in 7 months when my second son was born?



Larry came in & told me he was going to go to work later. Who goes to work on a day like this? I remember thinking. It was so scary being home alone, but I knew as the day went on that no more planes were in the air. The plane coming down in Pennsylvania was just overwhelming to me, I was just stunned that this was actually real.


Every single restaurant was closed and I was so nauseous, I could only eat a few things. I did what I did almost every night when I was on my own, without Larry. I grabbed my toddlers hand and took him for a walk. I sat and watched him play on the playground in my complex, I watched him chatter with new friends and I saw the painfully blue sky finally turn black. If I wasn't pregnant I probably would have brought a beer outside and drank it on the playground on that sad night.


Seven months later, the world felt safer than I thought it would when I tried to picture the future, back on Sept 11, 2001. But then it all went dark again.
My newborn son, Alistair was born very sick after a very hard labor. And then he died. He was 7 weeks old when he died in the summer of 2002. It seemed like every single day that I visited him in the hospital during his short life I had to walk through the same bright sunshine, the same blue blue sky as Sept 11. Everything in my life up until then had pretty much worked out fine for me. Now I felt you couldn't trust any moment not to change everything for the worse. It was June 11 when we found out that for sure, Alistair wouldn't stay.


When I think of Sept 11, I think of being a new mother, being pregnant with my second baby & still learning about my first baby. Now, the first baby is huge and the second baby is gone. My tragedy in my mind always connected to that terrible year. I have had 4 more babies since then. I am not a sentimental person, but when its that same day and it even looks the same, I remember the sadness I felt about all of the tragedies endured by so many families that day and then, having no idea that my own tragedy was about to unfold. Every one of us who was alive then has strong memories of Sept 11, these are mine.

I can't believe my Joaquin just started kindergarten this week! He was such a sweet baby just the other day & now he rides the bus & goes to school with his older brother. Its really cool when they both come home at the end of the day together. I love hearing about their days at school.









I meant to write about our summer, but it was too busy to stop & write! I am in an action mode, not a reflection mode. But..we had a great time at the lake this year & here is a photo that shows how sweet our house is, its right on the lake & so relaxing! Its just not completely relaxing because there are lots of kids to keep track of. Considering though, that a year ago at the lake I worried a lot about the baby I was pregnant with after contracting 5th disease, it was really amazing to have him here & healthy. And my nephew, the handsome little Max, whose mom also had 5th's is also here & healthy...2 good reasons to really celebrate.

One of my kids (guess who) had been expected to attend summer school because he has academic needs & is not at grade level...plus he is quirky as hell. Does whatever he wants to do! So, they recommended at his current elementary school that he attend an extended school year (free) summer school. I took him on the first day, walked him to his teacher, got attitude the whole way for doing that & he still smiled and hugged me good bye. He was ready for anything & he was open to it. When I picked him up he was upset, two teachers were manhandling him for leaving the line and looking for my car. I didn't like what I heard the more I asked him about it. I didn't like the atmosphere, it just seemed like babysitting a lot of kids with IEP's so I never brought him back. He does have to work with us to catch up, but no more summer school! I love when I find I still have the strength to protect my son from situations that would just kill his spirit. I'm sure many other parents will find the program wonderful & their kids will probably thrive there, but that was not the place for us!!

I have had some fantastic summers as a stay at home mom, filled with sunshine, meeting friends at the pool, dinners al fresco & all that jazz :) We have also had some hellish summers, most notably 2002 & 2008. In 2008 all of the kids had whooping cough & I had a kidney stone drama that lasted from June through December. The only good thing about that summer was the unexpected addition of Ramsay to the family. Otherwise I can't think of a single good memory! So...this summer I am aiming high, to have adventures in ordinary places & give my boys lots of good memories. One of them wants to pray the rosary every day, another one wants to be read to; books about the Founding fathers are his favorite. The other 3 are content to just see neighborhood kids & play outside. The littlest just wants to nurse & cuddle.

This Friday I have my first lithotripsy procedure where I will have a few bigger (but still small, thankfully! blasted & I am nervous but very excited. If it goes well, I will be living in significantly less fear than usual! If it really does go well, I will throw a party! I will try to document as many days of fun & not so fun outings as I can!

Fun times at Burke Lake

The kids rode the little train through the woods, my awesome mom was there & so were our cousins. It was actually one of our more successful outings but you wouldn't think so from these pictures. I even handled a complicated cell phone number porting drama while pacing the forest floor & keeping toddler Ram in line!